It was a cold day of snow under the lilac.

First results.

This week a lot of my colleques have their final presantations of their design degrees.
Just a few days before my mom got ill, I made the decision to give myself the time of another semester to get a satisfying result...
My friend Ike used a citation in her speech which fits my current mood so well, I had to ask her for it. She inspired me to look for energyplaces, writing and drawing more. I just quiet, maybe I could start again.

La vie commence maintenant...

Three days ago I met Jenny's mum in the woods.
She told me, that a few weeks ago, she and my mum had a walk with the dogs and they had so much fun.
She didn't know. I am thankful for every single memory one has of my mother.

7./8.

Today was the funeral. I wasn't sad at all, it was a snowy bright day.
At a very special moment the sun came out and I knew everything is okay.

I finished the scarf, a knitting project, I have started the last days in my mother's life.

I spent yesterday knitting & in the train to university and back home.

6th.

I love you.

5th.

Fire. Hands. Sunshine. Long walk in the cold.

3rd & 4th.

1.

3rd: Bought some clothes for her funeral.

When it was dark I made a final walk with the dog. The moon was just little more than half but it was so light in
the forest I almost saw everything. A deer crossed our way. I was not afraid at all. Very mystical. Very mummy.

4th: I can still smell her.

2nd day after.

Tot ist überhaupt nichts:
Ich glitt lediglich über in den nächsten Raum.
Ich bin ich, und ihr seid ihr.
Warum sollte ich aus dem Sinn sein,
nur weil ich aus dem Blick bin?
Was auch immer wir füreinander waren, sind wir auch jetzt noch.
Spielt, lächelt denkt an mich.
Leben bedeutet auch jetzt all das,
was es auch sonst bedeutet hat.
Es hat sich nichts verändert,
ich warte auf euch, irgendwo sehr nah bei euch.
Alles ist gut.

Annette von Droste-Hülshoff

1st day without.

Yesterday morning my mum passed away.

Today we went here to chose a place for her and my dad one day.

Stitchy heart.

No voice anymore. Fatique.

"..., machte ich mich ohne Ziel auf den Weg, durch die Straßen, die mir leerer vorkamen denn je, und im Glauben, wenn ich nicht stehen bliebe, wenn ich immer weiterginge, würde ich nicht merken, dass die Welt, wie ich sie kannte, nicht mehr existierte." (Carlos Ruiz Zafón: Das Spiel des Engels)

No christmas. No new years evening. No hope.

"Irgendwann werden wir doch alle erwachsen."
Hug. Smile. Tears.